We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
