remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
