My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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