one might say we're banned from that church
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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