If i come over, it means nothing
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
