My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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