im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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