He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
