I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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