I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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