Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
