He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Life is so much better after having sex.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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