dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
