New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
