Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize