I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
