You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
