i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You can't motorboat a personality
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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