My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
God, I missed his penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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