Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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