we have officially lost it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
