my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
