i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
handjob tips. give me some.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
