he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He passed out mid-signature
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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