Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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