Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
