when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
