I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
