I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
