Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
