so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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