Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
