I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
