just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
