I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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