The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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