YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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