wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
