She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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