If i come over, it means nothing
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
