i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
