I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
