The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
