OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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