I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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