you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
