I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize