the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
whose parrot is this?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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