I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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