Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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