i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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