My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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