It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
