Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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