Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
