So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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