yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize