Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We got so high we made milksteak
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
