would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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