you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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